April 26, 2012
Young kids with jonkies
Worse than a mullet. Worse than a rattail. Worse than a balding bowl cut.
Yes, I bring you the jonky, (pronounced YON-kee), an absolutely awful haircut that is embraced by a large sector of Cuban males (and a few outlying ladies).
There are differing theories on the origins of the jonky. Some say it’s a style that came from Italian junkies, others blame widespread lobotomies. It’s really gained popularity because of a reggaeton star who made a song, and accompanying music video, all about this hairstyle.
One of my friends in Cuba is a hairstylist, and he says that, once the hair has been properly cut, the look is achieved by a combination of flat-irons and hair wax, leading me to wonder if the jonkies have to sleep in a geisha-like headrest to protect the look.
Regardless of how the look is maintained, according to my friend, there are even competitions, where all of the jonkies congregate and try and out-do each other with the highest jonky or most creative expression of it.
I’ve been provided endless hours of free entertainment scourging Havana as a jonk-arazzi, snapping pictures of every manifestation of this completely outrageous style. Let’s take a look at a few.
The Fronky: The Frosted Jonky.
Forget cupcakes. This two-toned confection is for that jonky that wants a little bit of California-cool in his look. Don’t mistake this with the blonky (blonde jonky).
Jonky in Uniform.
Jonkies are actually extremely equalizing. Men and women, black and white, young-professionals and just youngsters: practically everyone has caught jonky fever.
The Ponky: Papa Jonky.
I’ve seen a decent amount of men sporting jonkies while out with their children. I guess it really is parents’ jobs to completely mortify their children.
The Mis-tonky: The mistaken jonky.
This can apply to any jonky who thinks he looks cool. However, I once saw a very mis-tonky when I was in La Casa de la Musica, listening to a fantastic Argentinean folk trio. The jonky came in, sat down, realized that he was severely out of place, and quickly left.
Throwing a Spanish diminutive on the end of jonky is the best way to describe anyone under the age of 16 whose mother is letting him try out this look. Kids have to learn from their mistakes.
The jonky in another lifetime.
Perhaps in his heyday he was able to rock the jonky, but thinning hair and lack of Rogane in Cuba made his look impossible to maintain.
This jonky goes above and beyond, crowned in a corona of hair wax and glory. His loyal subjects bow to the power of his incredibly ridiculous hair.
The donky: the designed jonky.
Not just because he looks like an ass, the donky is named thus because he’s also using his hairstyle to show off a work of art. See also the stronky, who’s eschewed a design for some zebra stripes.