Can you hear me now?

23 Dec

After “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie”

If you get a cell phone in Cuba…

Then you will need to ask your friend to put the number in his name.

If he puts the number in his name…

Then it will cost $40 for just the SIM card, number and some credit.

If he goes to the Cubacel office…

You all will wait in line for three hours.

If you finally get the SIM card…

You will need to put it in a phone.

If you buy a phone in Cuba…

It will cost $135.

If you bring a phone from home…

It will need to be unlocked.

If you try to unlock it…

You will have to find someone who can get the code.

If that someone gets the code…

It will take him a whole day.

If you go back after that time…

You’ll find out that your code takes three more days to be downloaded.

If you ask your parents to do it for you using first world Internet…

You’ll discover that you have to pay a company for the code.

If you try to get a cheap phone for your friend…

The sketchy “Movil Land” men will find one for you.

If you go to pick up your cheap phone…

You will be welcomed by a black out.

If the lights come back on…

The “Movil Landers” will give you a phone.

If you want to use the phone…

It only works on speakerphone.

If you decide to come back later for a different one…

You will ride your bike for an hour there and an hour back.

If you get a different phone…

It will work, but have no charger.

If you try to get a charger that doesn’t belong to the phone…

The phone will be ruined and rendered useless.

If you finally get the phone and its proper charger…

You will pay $0.45 a minute to make calls and $0.09 per text.

If you run out of credit on your phone…

You will wait in line again to buy more.

If you don’t buy $5 every month…

You will lose all of your credit and the line itself (after two months).

If you lose the line because you don’t put credit on it, you’ll have to ask that friend to put another in his name. All because you tried to get a cell phone in Cuba.


4 Responses to “Can you hear me now?”

  1. Anastassia April 7, 2013 at 6:20 pm #

    Wait…so what is the most efficient way to get a cell phone in Cuba? 🙂

    • gschrubbe April 9, 2013 at 12:01 pm #

      How long do you want one for? You can rent a line for something like $3 CUC a day (plus whatever credit you put on it) from the ETECSA office at the airport and any other ETECSA offices, but I believe you have to bring your own (unlocked) cell phone.
      I laughed a little at “the most efficient way” and “Cuba” being in the same sentence… 😛

  2. De Anna March 15, 2015 at 12:36 pm #

    So true…. The hours I have spent getting a Mexican phone..


  1. On Blogging | Jammin' with G.A. - September 2, 2014

    […] to experiment with your voice, style, and subject matter. One of my favorite posts I wrote was a spoof on “If You Give A Mouse a Cookie,” a silly look at the headache of trying to get a cell phone […]

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